so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
