I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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