I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
