I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
