My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
