Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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