literally had 100 drinks last night.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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