Heybabeimwearingurpanties
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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