Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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