i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
