I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
