sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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