The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Even my vagina gasped.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
