I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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