I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
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she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
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So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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