so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
