You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
