He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
