I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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