I think I won the penis lottery.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
