plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
