somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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