I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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