Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
