we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
