Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
