I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
