Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Pants are for mortals
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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