I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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