Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize