It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
