oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
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Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
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The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I think i got beer on your cat.
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