Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
