Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
