Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
