I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
