Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
