there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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