I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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