hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
