there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
