wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Oh god it's open bar.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
