I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
