I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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