Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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