I hope mine doesn't look like that
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
