Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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