maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
do herpes really smell.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
