You really coming over, don't trick.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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