Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
