I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
