apparently the secret to your success is patron
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
