he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
