In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
