Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
