Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
