the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
