I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
