; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
