I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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